


your heart takes root in your body

by lunaverenas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Confusing, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, M/M, POV Alternating, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26198098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaverenas/pseuds/lunaverenas
Summary: You will always be alone, and that is the thing that will push you forward.But you are not lonely, not anymore.Or: you and volleyball and him.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	your heart takes root in your body

**Author's Note:**

> my friend was talking about poetry with me yesterday, and then this happened.
> 
> this is set after karasuno wins the game against aoba johsai, but it is another story that 'ignores canon, but also does not', so that does not mean much in terms of a difference in how this makes (or does not make any) sense. the POV alternates, literally, so the 'Confusing' tag has a reason to be there.
> 
> content warnings: a few mentions of blood. loneliness.
> 
> plus, the very concept of this: to be a mess. You Have Been Warned.

This is not the last time — but every time is the last, like every time is the first.

This is it: you touch the ball for the first time. This is it: your last chance. You will win. You will lose. This is it: you are not him, and you will never be.

This is it: you are not a genius.

This is not the last time — but every time is the first, like every time is the last.

This is it: you will be left behind. This is it: he is in front of you, but you can not reach him. This is it: you are _talented_ , but you are alone. This is it: you are a _genius_ , but you are alone.

This is not the last time — but every time is the last, like every time is the first.

This is it: you have reached your breaking point. This is it: you have reached your breaking point. _You will never be him. You will never be him._

Golden sunlight has covered him. _Your fingertip is bleeding_ —you want to be there. Golden sunlight has covered him. _You want to be there. You want to be there._

You are alone — you were too absorbed in the thought of how your hands stung to notice that no one was there. You need to lead your team to victory, but you are alone — are you?

 _You can not win alone_. Your nose may be broken (or maybe it's just bleeding) but something inside of you was put back together. _Six are stronger than one_. They look at you, at the prideful you, at the awkward you and say: _yeah, he's a part of this team_. Are you alone? Have you ever been? No. This is not the right thing to ask.

_Are you lonely?_

You will be alone. You will always be alone, and that is the thing that will push you forward. Your team is around you, but you are still alone with yourself — but you are not lonely, not anymore.

The moon is not beautiful. It is a hunter. It is a prey. It is a lie. _I am the ace of my team_. It is a lie. It is a lie. Why should you put this much hope in such an irrelevant thing? Why do you want to win?

_What more do you need than pride?_

He escapes sunlight and moonlight. Today is a cloudy night.

You look into his eyes. They are blue. You look into his eyes. They are brown. Your fingertip is bleeding, did you bite it? _You want to be there._

 _You need_ —what do you need?

What do you need?

_What do you need?_

What?

“What do you need, Oikawa-san?”

You need to be first. You need to be the best. You need to win. You need,

your reflection in the mirror has changed. What do you need?

“I need this,” you say. Your reflection in the mirror has changed. What do you need?

The dorayaki has just been made. It is still warm.

 _This is not harmless_ , you close your eyes. What do you need? _You are not breathing_. You open them again, and you take a step forward.

It's raining.

“...To eat?” There is no sunlight; there is no moonlight. There is just him. He is standing in front of you. He is standing in front of you.

There are drops of rain in his dark eyelashes. You have an umbrella. It is hard to see, in the rain, but you could see his turquoise umbrella from afar.

“Thank you.”

You need this. He is standing in front of you, and you have lost. Sun and Moon are not in the sky. I love you, you want to say. I love you, you want to say.

He stares at your hand. “I can file your nails for you.”

He stares at you. “You should hold the umbrella. You were sick last week, right? You need it more than I do.”

_How do you know that? Why do you know that? You were not there, so I asked. You were not there, so I hoped you had a good reason for it. (You just wanted to tell me ~~to look at you~~ you would win, of course. I just wanted to be sure that ~~you would face me~~ I was still your opponent, of course.)_

There are drops of rain in your eyelashes, mixed with your tears. _I am not a king_ , you said. _I am not a genius_ , he replied.

_Thank you for your forgiveness._

_Thank you for seeing who I am._

This is not the last time — but every time is the last, like every time is the first. You want to enter the court again. You want to feel the pain of loss again. You want to stand up and be the victor again. You want to play.

This is it: repetition has created strength. This is it: you have grown.

This is it: this is you. This is him. You have won. You have lost. You have won and you will win. You have lost and you will lose.

This is it: this is you.

You are not alone, anymore.

This is it: you want to play. Again. One more time. Just one more.

This is not the first time — but every time is the first, like every time is the last.

This is it: late, at night. This: in the rain.

You are not the victor; you are not the loser.

You are a setter, and volleyball does not end here.

You do not say _love_ , but _you are too wet; you can borrow one of my shirts, just give it back to me later_ is the same.

You are not the victor, but volleyball does not end here — and he has stared at you — and you can not help but feel,

_This is the sweetness to be found in victory—this is the sweetness I have found in me—this is the sweetness I have found in you._

You are not the victor, but you whisper,

_Thank you for the game._

Anyway.

This is where this worthless pride of yours has driven you.

You should thank it.

But for now, this is enough.

**Author's Note:**

> 'I Wrote This Instead Of Sleeping', 'I Don't Even Know' and 'How Do I Tag' are not in the tags, but those tags were the exact thought process i had while writing this.
> 
> the title is a quote from 'you are jeff', a poem by richard siken.


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